How is your summer of ’21 going?
Mine has been packed with activity. As retrograde Pluto nears it’s final conjunction with my descendent on my birthday, I feel a sense of urgency. The transiting Sun just crossed my Ascendant opposing transiting Pluto and my Progressed Moon is in conjunction with my Natal Neptune in my 5th House. Creative production is the name of the game.
I’ve been productive as hell in all facets of my life. What’s amazing to me is I finished three character digital paintings and a background in two weeks, when I assumed these would take me the rest of the year. And I’m happy with them. I have no doubt over the weeks as I stare at them, I’ll see things I’ll want to change, but they will be minor. I think lol. I have worked my whole life on overcoming perfectionism.
I also completed two online Crossfit courses. I have my Level 1 credential and added Masters and Lesson Planning. No, I don’t coach any more, but I still love learning about this stuff. I may move back into that sphere one day. I’m dissatisfied with the Crossfit box options in my city and have a dream of starting my own box. But a business requires one’s full attention (I know because I did it for 7 years), and I want to direct that attention to my kids and my art.
I managed to drop 10 pounds and keep it off. I lost 80-90 pounds ten years ago and kept that off, but there has been this nagging remainder, and it’s finally gone. I wrote about that process earlier on this blog when I reviewed Eat To Perform. It helped a lot! I’ve left the program for now due to finances, but if I see my weight tick up, I’ll know where to go. Trust me–it’s NOT how much you exercise; it’s what you’re eating that’s making you fat!
We bought a used car for my oldest and got him set up in an apartment and with a roommate for his first year of college. It’s a big transition and requires some real planning. We’re not yet sure of our loan amount, but it will be significant and that means watching finances in a way we haven’t for a few years. My kids were lucky to grow up with a grandmother in the house. My mom lives with me and spends time with my kids and is good counsel for me, as well. We’re all talking about my son’s transition to college–the excitement, the anxiety, the complexity. My mom mentioned to me the other day that it’s a big transition for me, too. I hadn’t thought of that until she mentioned it.
Empty Nest Syndrome
I am experiencing an identity crisis. That’s what it feels like, though it goes by the more familiar name of “Empty Nest.”
My oldest leaves the house in August. My youngest will be graduating this year. In 2022, I’ll have no kids in the house. They’ll both be close by (likely), but it will be very different. I realize I’m already feeling that stress. I’m proud of both and looking forward to helping them as adults, but wow these years went fast. I miss my babies, my toddlers, my youngsters, my tweens, and teens. I miss being the mom of kids. I miss the focus and demands on my time–no kidding!
My life was so much clearer when they were young, because their welfare was my priority. Life was circumscribed in a way that could be frustrating in scope but also simple in daily choices. Sure, I remember what I did before I had children–I was pretty old already when I had my first (39). And I have many interests that consume my time. But now there’s a sense of meaninglessness, of ennui. Nothing will ever compare to the importance, joy, and demands of raising children, so things I spend my time on now and plan for seem a little silly, pointless, unimportant.
I’m hoping this is the transition talking and that I will rekindle my joyous immersion and creative ambition. For now, I’m on autopilot, producing from plans laid long ago with the expectation that as I do what I’ve always done what I always felt will reignite.