Yesterday, I learned a family member doesn’t have long to live. The sad news wasn’t what made me think of my own death. I’ve thought about it a lot lately. But what the news did was make me wonder why I was already thinking of death when all signs point to plenty of years yet on this ball.
I don’t think I’m done, but I’ve been feeling pressure, as if I don’t have much time. I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life. So many of my fifty-six years were spent researching, establishing principles, and arguing about things I don’t care about at all anymore.
- There was that time I got a degree in classical languages so I could argue biblical exegesis with those who tell me I can’t speak for god because I’m: A) woman B) queer C) hedonist D) All of the above.
- Or there was the decade of nutrition research when I discovered grains are not necessary for us, despite what the USDA says, and are literally fattening us for slaughter like farmers do with their cows.
- And surely it was worth it when I spent forty years studying natal astrology and harmonics so I could be told I’m ridiculous by those who believe in an omniscient, omnipotent, invisible parent that may or may not be returning to the world two-thousand years ago, twelve years ago, in a few more years, maybe Tuesday.
I’m just done. I no longer have conversations about what I eat and why, I don’t care whether Jesus thinks it’s okay for me to have sex with whoever I want to, and astrology is as valid as any other faith. Somewhere in the last decade, I found I had no more fucks to give. It may have started when my birth family got judgy. It may have started with the 2016 election when everybody lost their damn minds. Or maybe it’s when Pluto entered my 7th House.
Pluto Through My Houses
Pluto is a planet of loss. No getting around it. Like Saturn and Uranus, its presence indicates important changes. The losses Pluto points to are less about destruction and more about evolution. Over the years, I’ve appreciated it as a weather eye, indicating broad psychological changes over decades.
- The years the Lord of Hell passed through my 4th House left scorched earth where my Self had been. I was young and struggled for control rather than compromise, so I earned those terrible feelings because I wanted what I wanted. It was a first and important lesson in acceptance.
- As it traversed my 5th House, my creative childhood was torn away and resurrected as a complex and demanding process that wouldn’t see fruition for decades. I would have to embrace creativity as a process rather than a product to meet Karma’s demands. And there was all the sex. Don’t forget about that. Thanks, Pluto.
- Finally, as it finished with my 6th House, my health transformed. I’ve learned to put in the time, do the work, and keep my head down sometimes on this journey.
Pluto’s natal position is where we start to evolve, where–with effort–our strongest psychological foundation will be as we grow. Natal Pluto sits in my 3rd House of writing and communication. With Mercury and the Sun on my Nadir in Libra, it’s pretty obvious I write because I’m a writer. Yes, I know that’s a tautology. Writing is just the thing I do. I know people who are gamers or workers or watchers or talkers. Life requires me to do many things, but when it’s up to me, I write. Over the past year, I’ve written more. And more. And more. I’m currently working on posting old stories, editing a new one for submission, and writing and illustrating two ongoing series.
I can thank Pluto for this. The Lord of Hell arrived in my 7th House and I’m obsessing. In a few years, I may have much more to say about this house as it emphasizes partnerships and conflicts with personal expression, but what’s in focus now is that Pluto is above the horizon in my chart for the first time in my life. All the thinking, personality, creativity, and production that has been stirred up in service to writing and communication is now spilling out into the world. I can’t seem to get things done fast enough. Any interruption or distraction is irritating because all I want to do is what I want to do, which, as we know, is write.
But I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not in control. All I can do is my best. Life will give me what it wants to give me. And there will be time enough.